forum Please critique my character
Started by @Alastor_Radio_Demon group
tune

people_alt 58 followers

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

Alrighty I may be a little sleep deprived but here's my best shot

Overview
It might help to add her birth name to Other Names.

Looks
Nearly 650 pounds is still a LOT for almost 10 feet in height. Broad shoulders, a large muscular torso, and horns would probably only add about 65-90 pounds to her base body weight. Obviously, there's not an exact science on how much a 10 ft feminine humanoid should weigh, but after doing some mild math and estimation, you're probably looking at around 340-420 pounds.
For the eye color, is she always bloodshot? What's causing it?
Explain what her race is exactly. Are there other features that might have added to the weight? What she's capable of? A better idea of what she looks like?

Nature
What are some examples of the cryptic messages that she writes? Why does she avoid a pattern when pacing?
Under motivation, it might help to eliminate the first sentence. She does have a motivation; revenge.
Easily manipulated is one flaw, but she's got to have more. It helps to have the flaws connect with her virtues. She's open-minded, but she's also easily swayed. Additionally, another thing to consider is that she has 2 lives, where she's probably very different. List her flaws when she was alive and her flaws as a demon. They might be slightly different or have the same flaws as a demon that just show up differently.
Same case for talents. She can stand to have one or two more, and some may show up in her demon form that doesn't show up in her human form.
Personality is on the right track, but it does seem a bit bare bones. What I do to help me get more descriptive is I describe my OC's as if I'm describing one of my favorite characters from a book or movie. There's more depth to everyone than what meets the eye, and Mother is a lot more than a victim.
Did she realize she was Asexual before or after she married? How did this play into her relationship with her husband?
This isn't 100% necessary, but to make a character more relatable, it helps to add a few minor fears, like roaches, the dark, small spaces, heights, those kinds of things.

Social
What do the Followers of K practice? What kind of religion is it? (Monotheism, polytheism, etc.)
What does the Guardian of the Key do? What Key is she guarding? Why is royal purple her favorite color? Why is lasagna her favorite food? Why does she treasure her wedding ring, despite what it represents? Why is a hummingbird her favorite animal?

History
Yes, it's the early 1900s, but it would still help to explain why her father was abusive. The type of abuse she endured could have heavily played into why she stayed with her abusive husband and allows her friends to manipulate her. What sort of government is throwing her body into Geysers on different planets?

Anyway, this is the best I could give ya. She sounds very interesting and I already love the concept! Good luck and happy writing:)

@Alastor_Radio_Demon group

Alrighty I may be a little sleep deprived but here's my best shot

Overview
It might help to add her birth name to Other Names.

Looks
Nearly 650 pounds is still a LOT for almost 10 feet in height. Broad shoulders, a large muscular torso, and horns would probably only add about 65-90 pounds to her base body weight. Obviously, there's not an exact science on how much a 10 ft feminine humanoid should weigh, but after doing some mild math and estimation, you're probably looking at around 340-420 pounds.
For the eye color, is she always bloodshot? What's causing it?
Explain what her race is exactly. Are there other features that might have added to the weight? What she's capable of? A better idea of what she looks like?

Nature
What are some examples of the cryptic messages that she writes? Why does she avoid a pattern when pacing?
Under motivation, it might help to eliminate the first sentence. She does have a motivation; revenge.
Easily manipulated is one flaw, but she's got to have more. It helps to have the flaws connect with her virtues. She's open-minded, but she's also easily swayed. Additionally, another thing to consider is that she has 2 lives, where she's probably very different. List her flaws when she was alive and her flaws as a demon. They might be slightly different or have the same flaws as a demon that just show up differently.
Same case for talents. She can stand to have one or two more, and some may show up in her demon form that doesn't show up in her human form.
Personality is on the right track, but it does seem a bit bare bones. What I do to help me get more descriptive is I describe my OC's as if I'm describing one of my favorite characters from a book or movie. There's more depth to everyone than what meets the eye, and Mother is a lot more than a victim.
Did she realize she was Asexual before or after she married? How did this play into her relationship with her husband?
This isn't 100% necessary, but to make a character more relatable, it helps to add a few minor fears, like roaches, the dark, small spaces, heights, those kinds of things.

Social
What do the Followers of K practice? What kind of religion is it? (Monotheism, polytheism, etc.)
What does the Guardian of the Key do? What Key is she guarding? Why is royal purple her favorite color? Why is lasagna her favorite food? Why does she treasure her wedding ring, despite what it represents? Why is a hummingbird her favorite animal?

History
Yes, it's the early 1900s, but it would still help to explain why her father was abusive. The type of abuse she endured could have heavily played into why she stayed with her abusive husband and allows her friends to manipulate her. What sort of government is throwing her body into Geysers on different planets?

Anyway, this is the best I could give ya. She sounds very interesting and I already love the concept! Good luck and happy writing:)

I believe you critiqued another one of my characters. Thank you for help with the weight, because I am horrible with weight to height ratio. You gave a lot of good points that I'll be sure to go and add to/fix. As always thank you for the critique.