So I'm no expert but I've been on Notebook for quite a while and obviously I'd been designing characters for years before that. Characters have always been my favorite part of books and I strongly believe that as long as you have brilliant characters, people will forgive a somewhat lacking story. So that's all to say: Link your characters and I'll give you some things to improve as well as what I like and think you should expand upon. I'll take as many as I can <3
could you do my child, Keres? Keres Bloodworth
Of course! Let's see what I thought stood out:
First of all, she's a very well developed character in a very well developed world. Although I don't know exactly her role in the story I can get an idea of where she fits into it. Very well done for a side character. Basically I just have some little nit-picky things to cover.
In the Mannerisms section, you have a tell for when she's lying (i.e. something she does or says to indicate that she isn't being honest). While these can be very good plot devices, they aren't very realistic. Most people don't have a tell that you can outwardly see, especially if they lie a lot. It's your choice if you'd like to keep that as I think it can be useful for storytelling but not very realistic.
I don't see anything wrong with the Personality section other than it being a bit short but that's to be expected for a side character.
I feel that her Motivations are a bit contradictory. Pride and Justice tend to go along with each other but usually there is intent for one and the other is just a result of that since Pride is a naturally selfish thing while Justice is almost exclusively for the good of others. It's possible that she feels they are equally important but I would assume that might lead to lapses in her judgement because she always has to decide between herself an others. Maybe an interesting thing to look into?
I love the backstory. Honestly, zero complaints there although wouldn't the other witches question it when Keres' ankle was broken and then she was whipped for no apparent reason? Maybe they were just too afraid of her mother to question it.
Anyway, that's all. Sorry if I rambled a bit. You don't have to take any of this into consideration because it's your character but I think there are some parts of her Nature that you could expand on.
Hi, I was wondering if you'd look at Halisia? https://www.notebook.ai/plan/characters/957877#
Sure! Let's see what I thought stood out:
First of all, solid character. It looks like she's been worked on for a good amount of time and I think she's pretty unique as a character overall but I do have some qualms.
Her personality is very confusing to me. I can understand that she is a very just, dedicated, and introverted person but there are some parts that are a little more blurred. It says that she is independent and therefore is uncomfortable working/talking with other people. I'm not sure that independent is the right word as it usually means 'the ability to work without the influence of others' more than preferring to work alone. It's also kind of strange that she values Justice but isn't very Compassionate/Empathetic because compassion and empathy are a big part of justice. Her personality isn't bad, but it's a bit all over the place.
I think my biggest problem with her is that she's meant to be a Major Antagonist but there isn't anything particularly corrupt about her. According to her mannerisms, she just throws a tantrum when upset. I don't mind a villain that has good reasons for being villainous (The Sphinx from Fablehaven is one of my favorite antagonists because he believed he was doing the right thing). It just feels like I'm supposed to sympathize with her and I really don't. She seems more like a bratty side character than a respectable antagonist.
Of course, that's all personal preference and opinion and you don't have to take any of the advice because she's your character. I think I just dislike her for different reasons than why I should be disliking her.
Always curious to hear what people think of these two! (If you only do one per person, feel free to ignore Dakota <3)
I'm going to stick with one per person for now so let's look at VV:
First of all, I love the idea of him. Kind of a Frankenstein/Golem creation that's really big and freaky looking but has the intelligence of a four year old. Very fun.
My problem isn't really with the content of his character page so much as the way it's written. There's a lot of "actually, I'm not really sure" and "I guess". It's very casual and I suppose that's okay if you like to keep it that way but it makes it harder to read and understand. You created the character and you know what he can and can't do. Don't be afraid to say "He doesn't have a preference because he doesn't understand romance. It isn't in his 'programming' to feel love like that." There doesn't need to be any kind of hesitation around that idea.
I think there are some things you could fill in more clearly with just a little research. Even his weight. It seems like it's all written from Peyton's perspective as opposed to a writer's.
I love him but I don't think I can critique him as a character because of the lack of information here. Once again, my opinion and my preferences.
@GameMaster Thank you! I'll definitely apply what you said to her sheet. Also, the other witches did know, they were just afraid to speak out!
@GameMaster Thank you! I'll definitely apply what you said to her sheet. Also, the other witches did know, they were just afraid to speak out!
Oh okay, that makes sense. No problem!
Can you critique Ramona? Invalid Character I had to delete her character page and I copy pasted it back in so all her fields are in the overview catergory but they're all there
@GameMaster Thank you, I'll try to make her personality clearer. In my head I imagine her as someone who values compassion and justice but doesn't exemplify them because she is often misguided, but I'm having trouble putting that into words. Also, she is intended to be more of a sympathetic antagonist than an intimidating villain. She's well meaning and in a different framing could have been the hero, but since she is actively working against the protagonist of the book I put her role as the antagonist. Again, thanks for the critique, it helps out a lot!
Thanks! ^^ I'll keep that in mind, I appreciate your time <3
Can you critique Ramona? Invalid Character I had to delete her character page and I copy pasted it back in so all her fields are in the overview catergory but they're all there
Sorry, it's not appearing right for me. Might be my browser but it's all jumbled
Can you critique Ramona? Invalid Character I had to delete her character page and I copy pasted it back in so all her fields are in the overview catergory but they're all there
Sorry, it's not appearing right for me. Might be my browser but it's all jumbled
It's set to public. What do you mean by jumbled…? Like I said all the fields are copy pasted into the overview category because I had to reupload her from a saved document
Can you critique Ramona? Invalid Character I had to delete her character page and I copy pasted it back in so all her fields are in the overview catergory but they're all there
Sorry, it's not appearing right for me. Might be my browser but it's all jumbled
It's set to public. What do you mean by jumbled…? Like I said all the fields are copy pasted into the overview category because I had to reupload her from a saved document
It’s cutoff at places. It might be a problem on my side but I don’t know what to do about it. Is there another character you think would work?
Can you critique Ramona? Invalid Character I had to delete her character page and I copy pasted it back in so all her fields are in the overview catergory but they're all there
Sorry, it's not appearing right for me. Might be my browser but it's all jumbled
It's set to public. What do you mean by jumbled…? Like I said all the fields are copy pasted into the overview category because I had to reupload her from a saved document
It’s cutoff at places. It might be a problem on my side but I don’t know what to do about it. Is there another character you think would work?
Sorry all my other characters are still deleted.
Hey sorry to be a bother but could you look at my other character? Gaia Whitewood
Not a bother! Let's take a look at Gaia:
She's lovely, a classic royal. Her personality reminds me quite a lot of my character Alec whom I love dearly. I don't have a lot of complaints but I think there's a few things you should expand upon.
First of all, in her backstory it says there was a point were she was ashamed of her Fae features but she eventually grew to love them. I feel that that could be a very interesting insecurity to explore. How did she hide them? Are there people who still judge her for them? How do they sway people's opinions of her. Stuff like that.
One of her flaws is "-She tends to place others above herself to a fault." and I couldn't help but wonder why that is as her main motivations focus around her. They aren't selfish but there isn't anything about her family or friends to suggest that she might hold people in higher importance to herself. It contradicts somewhat but that might be intentional.
The mother's necklace thing isn't wrong in any way but it's definitely a cliche and I've seen it quite a few time. If you wanted to change it let me suggest a timepiece or a weapon as they can e just as cool and mystical without being as cliche as a piece of jewelry.
And that's it! Really not a lot of thing I would change. I wouldn't say that she's very unique personality-wise but I like her backstory a lot and I would be interested in reading the full story of her and her brother <3
Not a bother! Let's take a look at Gaia:
She's lovely, a classic royal. Her personality reminds me quite a lot of my character Alec whom I love dearly. I don't have a lot of complaints but I think there's a few things you should expand upon.
First of all, in her backstory it says there was a point were she was ashamed of her Fae features but she eventually grew to love them. I feel that that could be a very interesting insecurity to explore. How did she hide them? Are there people who still judge her for them? How do they sway people's opinions of her. Stuff like that.
One of her flaws is "-She tends to place others above herself to a fault." and I couldn't help but wonder why that is as her main motivations focus around her. They aren't selfish but there isn't anything about her family or friends to suggest that she might hold people in higher importance to herself. It contradicts somewhat but that might be intentional.
The mother's necklace thing isn't wrong in any way but it's definitely a cliche and I've seen it quite a few time. If you wanted to change it let me suggest a timepiece or a weapon as they can e just as cool and mystical without being as cliche as a piece of jewelry.
And that's it! Really not a lot of thing I would change. I wouldn't say that she's very unique personality-wise but I like her backstory a lot and I would be interested in reading the full story of her and her brother <3
Thank you so much, this was so helpful! Tbh I think a weapon would fit her better than a necklace anyways. Gaia is a side (I say side but tbh she's one of the most important characters in the book) character in a bigger world of characters and plots. But thank you so much!
Could you please give me your opinion on my girl Medea? Medea Norrington
I’d love if you critiqued my girl Estella!
Ah sorry you two but I'm starting school and I don't know how much time I'll have. If I find some time I will critique your characters but if not there are other threads similar to this.